Can I just start by asking what it is that happens when daddy walks out the door in the morning and E and I loose our ability to function? I think our emotions and hormones go crazy and we stop being able to communicate with our indoor voices. It's nuts.
Today, however, went to a new level. Today, my 4 year old and I had a screaming match. For the first time, she yelled back. E has developed a very particular sense of style. It includes no jeans, no bows, no jersey dresses, no footless tights, no legging under dresses, no sequins, no sneakers, and no ponytails. Basically, she wants to wear the equivalent of an Easter dress with tights, sparkly mary janes, with a headband to school. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. She paints at school. Falls
I think more than anything, she is looking to control what she can since she has experienced a lot of chaos and change at school. New teachers, a lot of new kids, new class and her bestie leaving the school. She thrives off of a schedule and knowing what to expect. So, her response, I hope, is to control what she can (or thinks she can) - her wardrobe.
Moms - help! How can I expand her wardrobe choices. She said she might consider shorts in summer. maybe. ughfhdklasfdsajklghdsl;afjksdkla;. That's pretty much how I feel on the subject. I locked myself in my room and called my husband who was traveling with his boss today to talk me off the ledge. It was nuts. Stupid really.
In other mommy confessions....
I often in snacks after E is in bed, or in a closet because I don't want to share.
I hate giving baths. I'd rather her shower with me (or not at all) than give her a bath. I hate it.
When the hubs is traveling I go home 30 minutes to watch reality TV by myself before swooping into E's school at the last minute to pick her up. I need that time for my sanity.
I have conditioned E to sleep with me when her daddy is traveling because I hate to sleep alone. Now she thinks it's some type of special treat... it is. For me.
For a long time I said I didn't want another baby because I really didn't think I could handle it emotionally. I'm in a much better place now.
I struggle with patience every day. I pray for patience with E every day.
My greatest struggle as a mother is balancing her happiness with how much it will affect my own.
The evening that E had her febrile seizure was the single scariest moment of my life. Even just thinking about it, to this day, makes me cry because I remember how scared I was. Now, it's no uncommon for me to check on her breathing in the night. Or wake her up. Just to be sure...
Dang. I had know how idea how emotionally screwed up motherhood would make me. It makes me nut, but also the most emotionally fulfilled I could ever imagine. These are just some of my confessions. They aren't pretty, but I own it. What about you?
I just wish every moment could be as sweet as watching these two cuddle on a tiny loveseat. Holy cow, I love them.